Pregnancy brings a strong urge to nest. Since I am Pregnant w/My New Life it's only right to go threw all the phases and stages. Cravings, unfortunate weight gain and all. But with this pregnancy you have a lot more control of. I nested with both of my boys which came closer to their deliveries. This pregnancy I'm choosing to begin the nesting process now, so that when I'm mid way through I will be much lighter. So my plan for is to eliminate 40 bags and 40 items from my home before I turn 40. Here's Bag #1.
Heading out the work place to my last SCHEDULED Dr. visit for this month besides my routine visits. I recieve a call from Kaiser. I schedule my next Biopsy for 11/2 to make sure all is well with the BOOBIES. So today I have an Optomatry appointment. I'm pleased to announce that I'm turning 40 with 20/20 vision. She complimented me on how healthy my blood vessles are and how wonderful my eyesight is. She inserted some dye in my eye to check for dryness and I must say I never new you should lubricate your eyes as you do your skin. To top off the 20/20 vision and the flood of compliments she gave me a bottle of Refresh to lubricate my eyes morning and night. I must say I left feeling pretty good. Till next have a wonderful day.
I write this letter to the both of you to express that I honestly forgive you both. I truly understand the circumstance at the time of my birth and as I grew up. However I do know that you both love me and are very proud of me as your child. With the mixture of each of yours blood line and DNA I am very sharp. With all of the challenges we have faced I would not trade either of you in. Love Always.
I will not use the word everyone, I'll go with a lot. What makes me different from a lot of people is that I enjoy being alone. This is not a discovery of maturation, I've always enjoyed the time that I spend alone with myself; as far back into my childhood that I can remember. I'm often questioned as to why I choose to spend time or go places by myself. I love me I really enjoy my own company. No one knows me like me or enjoy ALL the same things that I enjoy.
Whew! I really do feel pregnant; lumpy breasts and many Dr. appts. If memory serves me correctly, 3 days after I posted my initial post, I discovered a lump in my right breast on 9/19.Ususally in a situation such as this I'm consumed with fear, worry, stress and axiety, however, I must say I was a soldier. I've been to Kaiser so many times this month and I still have one more visit to go. I started on Oct. 2, with a complete physical and a couple of concerns. I'm begining to think yea Shit does change overnight. I've been experiencing pain and swelling in my ankle that I've never experienced before and as mentioned earlier, the discovery of a lump. So after my physical I'm ushered off for Xrays and a recommendation for a mamogram. Prior to all of this I begin routine visits to the dermatologist. I'm trying to follow the orders of Kenneth Beer, MD. He says that taking care of your skin is a lifelong concern and reminds us that it should be at the top of the list of medical precautions on your midlife list. In this short period of time I have went back to seize a dream of becoming a foster parent and preping myself for an entrepreneurial plunge of owning and operating a group home for pregnant teens or first time mothers that are in the foster system. Steps have been made though it's still more to go. Friday I leave work a little early to make it to yet another Dr. Appt. Well this one is for my momogram. Going to get my boobies played with. First time having one so I only expect to get them pulled and squeezed and sent on my way. I was so not prepared for what came next. I knew there was a lump but for some reason I thought or was hoping they would say "oh, it's not cancerous nothing to worry about but good for you for coming to get it checked out." So after having my partial nude photo shoot, I went to the radiology department for sanograms. OMG, she found a lump in the feft breast and swollen lymph glands in both arm pits. Ok now my mind is beginning to race as I lie on my back and try to complete the find the hidden objects in an overall picture of a bumper car scene from a Highlights leaflet. Shit gets really fuckin real when she explains that I need to have a biopsy done. I'm thinking ok cool. Maybe I'll break down and cry in between now and the time I have the biopsy done. Wait a minute she's preppin me to have this done NOW. I'm not even leavin the department or room. It's goin down now. So WTF do you do besides put your big girl panties on, lie back and choke on all the overwhelming emotions that you are feeling. So the body piercing begins. First the left armpit then the left breast, not to bad physically but I think I'm going to gag on the emotions that are caught in my throat. All through the procedure the radiologist is talking with me and reassuring me that if I feel anything to let her know. She must have seen the emotions that I would not speak or let out cuz she was extremely gentle. Ok now we're at the right boobie and though I don't feel the pain I realize that it's tough goin in ( I guess I do got tough skin) this is where for some reason I felt like I was being raped , violated and butchered all at once and I don't know why I felt like this. Ok on to the right armpit. I need to reposition myself so that my head is now where my feet were. I'm able to watch on the screen as she inserts the needle and inject the clips(oh the clips are for in the event that these lumps are not benign and need to be removed). OMG this is a lot. After my body piercing I am explained and ushered to have another mamogram so that they know exactly where the lumps and clips are located so that if necessary the correct area is removed. I sense that this is an extreme trying time and or moments for people and their loved ones because it was laced with so many scriptures, bible verses, and other closely related materials, basically they are even calling on the grace of God and knowing that he may be the only one to comfort you and your family. Ok I'm feeling drained and sad,but the show is not over yet. The last pics of my breast were magnified so she showed me where I had a cluster of calcium deposits the size of sand that didn't come up in the first mamogram or the ultrasound, so she suggest that I have another biop to make sure it's not cancerous. "We can't do it today because the department is already closed." Lady I can't deal with another anything and damn sure not the feeling I had to experience of feeling alone in this journey without my three key players. My bad I had to get it all out. I don't want or welcome cancer into my life, body, home and family, but before I stress God and myself out with Why Me? I'll continue to be a soldier in my life and instead ask "Why Not Me?" I've felt all along that I'm here to do greatness, but in the last year it is crystal clear that I am here to serve and will always serve no matter what educational or career path I may journey along. I hope that all my close friends and family forgive me for not sharing with them first in person, but I have learned myself. I need time to process what I'm going through and how I'm feeling before I put it out on the table. I need to prepare myself for the responses and dialouge that will come up and sometimes I'm not fully prepared. I'm not searching for pitty and refuse negativity. This is just what I've dealt with in my first month of being Pregnant With My New Life. Always a Survivor regardless of the obstacle.
Ok, here's the situation. Exactly four months from today, I will be fabulous and fourty. The year I turned 36, I decided to celebrate for 36 days. Turning fourty is a major milestone, especially all that I've recently been through. So to say the least I'm no longer a little girl or even a young lady. Doing what I can to embrace the next chapter, my new journey I decided to become pregnant. Not with child but with the development and transformation of my own New life. It takes nine months to bring a new life into existence. I plan to spend the next nine months in total self care as I would if I was pregnant. This time however will have the 20/20 vision of hinesight. I can eliminate the should & could nots and apply the wisdom that have brought me this far. I get to skip morning sickness, broken sleep, and cravings. The first part will be spent in reflection and from my birthday until 6/16/13 will be spent in celebration. From the book 40 Things to Do When You Turn 40 is where this idea originated from, also Kenneth Beer, MD reminds us that "Taking care of your skin is a lifelong concern and it should top the list of medical precautions at this time in your life. Well I guess I'm on target, was at the dermatologist this past Wednesday. So next up is to schedule an appointment for a complete physical. My first day went like this; Up before 8am, remained in bed to read, took my vitamins, juiced, talked on phone, 2.5 hour nap, journaled, grocery shopping, home, cooked & ate dinner, journaled, blogging and soon off to bed. Look out 40, here I come!
I don't GAF, I perm my hair because it prevents injuries to my arm, and loss and damage. I don't do it to be like anyone else but me and damn sure not other cultures. Knock it the F off! IJS. My dad blessed with with head full of Nappy Ass Hair, wouldn't trade it for nothing I just need to tame it, that's all.
Viewing a piece of artwork I get the feeling that I've seen this somewhere before. Pondering for a few minutes as to the posible where, it comes to me. Pinterest!!!! I've seen and pinned this work on one of my boards. I was even more thrilled when I met and had quite a conversation with the Artist himself. I shared how I came across his work and he shared how he began using screws as an element to design with. He has a contract with Audi now and I would love to see his recreation of a car with screws. He even has a since of humor, telling how many people asks, "Can you screw me?"
The famous Red Box, is carried to and fro all scrap events. This box attracts Super Attention! Ladies that I've encounter several times might not remember my name, but they do remember that I am the one who carries The Red Box. My scrap Girl Tricia is such a Hater when it comes to my BOX, that she hijacked it and left it out by the dumpster in Orange. Most asked questions are; "Is it made for scrapping? Ohhhh, really, "Can I see inside?", Wow! "Where did you get it from?", and "OMG, it must be expensive "how much was it? And my rehearsed response is As I open it up for display and show them each comparetment, tell them what came inside, and what I'm storing inside is always "Yes it's made for scrap supplies/tools, of coarse you can see inside, I got it from Sam's Club for ONLY $49.99!" I tried to retire the Box to the house but had to bring it back out because ladies that have not met or seen the box have heard about it and want to see it. So it's back as my Journaling Toolbox. BOOM!!!! It's Back to stay.
White women's opinion of black women & a brother's response. Pleas take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep!. Thumbs up to this black man. Enjoy.
It seems that an article was written to Sister2Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more)!!!
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying to much excess baggage.
Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If black women are so up in arms about being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes.
I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumble, just left his wife of 26 years for one of us, Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Portier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wro te this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.
I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.
The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to white girls.
Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weakness, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our women will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control.
I have talked to numerous black men and they continuosly comment on how easy it is to control and walk over white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women.
Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Micheal Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L.Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong balck women and to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert Dinero, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed. Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!
It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was the black woman who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery.
It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them:
being black and being a woman. And, through all this Still They Rise!!!!
It is because of the black woman's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them.
It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.
Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.
I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuosly go to tanning salons to darker your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?
I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuos Woman.
Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.